IT COMES IN A CIRCLE...

Alright, alright....I'll stop with the negativity in life and start focusing on attracting positive chi. That is....to push every bad thinking you have to the back of your mind and only think of the bright side.

I've just told a friend I am actually quite contented with my life right now. Not exactly what you would expect from someone who stay in a itsy bitsy study room, shares a one bedroom with 2 guys and have family a million miles away. By contented I don't mean going out to party every night or go shopping every consecutive day. My life is far from there. But contented as in a way I am happy for it to stay that way at least for the next few months. Ok, I admit. I lead quite a boring life....I wake up at 6:45am, start working at 8:30am, 30 mins lunch at 1:30, leave work at 5:30pm or 6:00, go home, eat, watch drama or online and sleep.....this routine repeats itself 5 times a week. And on the weekend, if I am lucky, I might get a glimpse of the sun or go have lunch or dinner outside.

Yeah...nothing to hu-ha about but at least I could say its stable. I've learn to deal with the fact that my relationship status is as messy as a 'Where's Wally' book. In fact, its soooo hard to even trace its existence. But I love the way it is. I love the fact that I am comfortable to be with him. At least, it felt a bit like family.

I have some people telling me I should not waste time and go out and know more people and carry on with life. But when you come to think about it, what happens when you get to know a guy, like him, fall in love and be together. That's it, you think? It's happily ever after just like that? If only life was that simple. The fact is, I don't believe in love anymore. I don't believe I'll fall in love with a guy and he'll always be the perfect one and only guy for me. Because I know, love is just like milk. It has its expiry date. And trust me, it does. And what happens when love becomes merely a memory? You break off and start the circle all over again?!!??! I have come to believe love has become a game of speedy passion. One day you have it and grasp it so hard you think you'll have it forever, the next thing you know, it has slipped off your fingers before you can even realise it. Love has become a time bomb, you don;t know when it's gonna go off and blow everything apart or if it's only a hoax.

And at this point of time, I still have yet to figure out what brings 2 person together for the rest of their life. But I am still skeptical about love. And I don't have the urge to go know new people, I don't have the urge to be loved or to love. Simply because I don't really have time for it. I'll have time for it if I trust it will bear me fruitful results. But at this point where love is such a pointless crap to me, I feel that if I ever have time, I'd rather put it to my career or my studies. At least those 2 are the ones that you know the results depends on the effort and not the emotions. Or at the very least you know knowledge follows you for the rest of your life while love can go off in a puff of smoke.

That is why I am putting everything aside. I don't wanna think if he's the right one. I don't even wanna know if I'll ever find the next one. I only know at this point, this second, this moment, I am contented with what I have now.....So, who cares what happens next.

Oh, out of random....I've learn a new quote today:

"Want to know the difference between involvement and commitment? It's like a egg and ham breakfast; the chicken is involved but the pig is committed."

And I find it soooooo amusingly true....