LIFE IN THE DARK

In 2 hours time, the clock will struck 12 and the big 2-5 will struck me. I am officially 25 years old in 2 hours time. I am a quarter of a century old, and if I am lucky, it would have been 1/3 of my life....gone.

My prayers were answered 4 weeks ago. I prayed I would get a full time fulfilling job before I turn 25...which I did. The problem is, when you have a fantastic job, chances are, you are gonna trade that with a shitty life. It’s like what ppl say, you are lucky in love means you’ll be the other way around when it comes to gambling.

When the weekend comes to an end, it will also mean I am no longer living in a place called my own. Ok, I don’t really own my apartment now. But just that being able to shuffle things ard without needing any permission, being able to laze around without fearing you might expose your bra or your undies......the feeling of being carefree in everything you do is the reason why the place you live in is call a HOME.

But I won’t be having that privilege from Monday onwards. His brother is coming to stay with us.....FOR GOOD. And having to do so in a open concept one bedroom apartment is like living hell. And for someone who works long hours and have to juggle between a job and studies on the weekend, its a even bigger HELL.

The problem is, I tried looking for shared accomodation outside but to no avail. The lady I spoke to today was GREAT. She had a little doggie with her and she totally understands my position and am more than happy to allow me to occasionally bring Rooney back with me. But the problem is, that place is CRAPPY. And the problem is, I am not even having a room of my own. The ‘room’ she meant was actually the attic.....attic with a slanting ceiling which is actually the roof of the house. The only attractive thing was that there was a window on the roof.....like those you see in movies where ppl can lay there and look at the stars upon the sky......other than that, that place wasn’t wat I was imagining.

Then I came home and realise that I feel extremely terrible because I am 25 and I don’t have the most basic thing in life now: a home. As a tradeoff for privacy, I sacrificed my beloved study area in exchange for a little room (with a door) that I can stay in and call it my own. And upon doing so, I understand that from now on, the place I am living in now has officially been trespassed. Not only I lose the space around the house, I lose the sense of security as well.

This is the first time in life I feel lost. I feel I had nobody around me to ask me how I am or to tell me everything will be fine. I have heard a lot of sorry’s and crap like that. And it has reached a point where I don’t crave for sorry’s anymore. I long for a break through on what I am facing now.

I used to see light at the end of the tunnel. But not this time.

I know one thing that is still mine though.....all the chores around the house. Pathetic, isn’t it. 25, homeless and having to live with 2 boys who are used to having a maid around the house.

Ah well, a big Happy Birthday to the homeless me.....

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart