WHAT AM I AGAIN??!??!

Few years back, when it was those days where:

I lie on the sofa everyday staring blankly to the colourful TV screen while gripping on the the remote control....

food will come calling upon you when it mysteriously appear piping hot on the dining table......

dirty dishes disappear in a *poof* of smoke....

clean, crisp, nicely-ironed clothes 'walks' and hangs themselves in your wardrobe.....

Yeah....those were the days when you had daddy and mummy and maybe a maid who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing for you.....*yes* those were the days where I sometimes attempt to impress my boyfriends by doing housework to portray myself as a good girlfriend. I tried to cook but never taste nice, wash but seldom clean enough.

Everytime when I am at the verge of failing, out comes the mighty boyfriend to the rescue...helping me dish out the burnt cooking and recooked everything again, wash all the dirty clothes which was lying helplessly over the floor simply because I don't know how to operate the machine.

At the end of every failed attempts, I used to think, "mmmm....maybe I'm just not girlfriend material, maybe I am those mistress material..."You know, no need to do housework but spend every single minute thinking or doing things to make yourself prettier like shopping, facial, shopping again, partying, sleeping in etc...etc...

Another thing that supported my thinking was that I can't bloody cook properly, never clean enough, never organised enough to maintain things and room around me....I used to have a terribly messy room that, trust me, you can't even lay your feet in there for 5 minutes without yerrr-ing of how messy it is. But I loved it, I loved it unorganised because I always know where my stuffs are....

ei....where is the finger nail clipper?

ooo, i know, its under the pile of magazines cum college notes cum stationaries cum make-up inside my room, on top of the study table...

*five minutes of ransacking my pile of stuff....*

yerrrr....your room damn filthy....please lar...aiyor, clean up larrr...you are a girl you know...blah blah blah....

ok....ok...will lar...will lar....later lar....soon lar....after exam then will clean lar....assignment due first lar, this weekend first lar....(all excuses while staring at the TV)

That was years ago.....and I always believe in karma and that the rules of debit-credit exist in this world. If you debit your 'laziness' account too much, you will end up having to credit back out all those 'laziness' you put in to balance back the account.

Then I flew off the comfort zone, came to Sydney and fast forward a few years to now, I could cook!! Not always perfect but I do occasionally get praises from my ever-so-yim chim bf of mine. I would clean, mop, polish, scrub, dust, wipe (*insert all cleaning nouns you could find*), I could do EVERYTHING! Not always voluntarily but have to. Because there is no more 'invicible' help around me anymore. Bye-bye uni days, bye-bye uni frens (coz they all went back to KL), bye-bye atm-daddy & mummy, bye-bye partying, bye-bye drunken session.....

I had to work my ass off to pay tuition fees for my hairdressing course, I had start being thrifty because I never earn enough to lead the lifestyle I had back in Uni days, I moved out with my monkey bf and had to start doing all the chores around the house, start job hunting, start my everydays at 7 in the morning.....I had to WORK, had to live at my own expense, had to face the REALITY of GROWING UP.

I used to:

go clubbing 4 days in a week, NOW....the most interesting place I go is the karaoke;

get drunk everytime I am out, NOW.....I only have a max of 4 drinks and I already want to go home;

go shopping every consecutive days and end up with big piles of clothes, NOW....EBAY became my best fren;

answer the apartment buzzer all the time, NOW....roaches visit more than friends;

be semangat enuff to get dressed up to go out, NOW.....aihhh, lets give up lar, shall we?

I had so much energy back then that there is always power to do something, anything! Even if I'm sleep deprived, give me a bottle of Coke (ermmm...I mean Coca-cola, not cocaine!) and *zzzoom* I'm awake again, all ready to go.

What happened now? Sometimes I wonder where the heck is me? In which part of life did I misplaced myself or my energy level? Now it's like if there is time, I rather spend it in my PJs at home while drooling over chinese series, sing songs while staring at the teenie weenie Youtube site on my laptop screen, eat home cooked meals and drink herbal soup.

I feel like I am thirty (but I'm not...I SWEAR!), I feel like it's time to settle down, prepare myself for family life and motherhood. Have a dog as if a son, play the part of mummy, stay at home, cook, boil soup, clean and sleep.....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN TO CLUBBING, GETTING DRUNK, PARTYING & SHOPPING!!?!?

(innocently) Dunno....flush down the toilet guaaa....or maybe they are sneakily hiding inside my boxes of stuff at the sun room....or or I ter-throw them during my 2-years-4-times moving house dramas...

I.

need.

power.

to.

reclaim.

my.

life.

After all, I'm only 25 worrr....ok lar...might be lil...but hell, it still starts with a 2. How many twenties can one get in life?

I.

need.

money.

and time.

to.

remind.

myself.

who.

I.

am.

I want to retrieve the lost self in me, I need to GET A LIFE.....